Masters Jokes 2011/12 season

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HOW QUICKLY THE YEARS PASS.................

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."   Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"     God said, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What's a valley?"   God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."   Adam said, "What's a river?"   God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill....."   Adam said, "What is a hill?"     So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."     Adam said, 'What's a cave?'   After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman."     Adam said, "What's a woman?'   So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce."   Adam said, "How do I do that?"   God first said (under His breath), "Jeez....."   And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.   So, Adam goes down into the valley,   across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.   Then, in about five minutes, he was back.   God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"   And Adam said....     *   *     (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!)   *   *     *   *   *   "What's a headache?"

I Did NOT Know this! DO YOU EAT CADBURY'S CHOCOLATE?                  We were raised on CADBURY'S chocolate as kids and even into adulthood.... but I will never eat it again!! I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore. This is what happens when you eat Cadbury's chocolate! THIS IS A MEDICAL WARNING! It could happen to you, your family and friends! CADBURY'S CHOCOLATE  can cause SMALL FEET! Warn everyone!

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: 'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from LondonHeathrow to  Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back,relax  and...... OH, MY GOD !'      Silence  followed!   Some  moments later the captain came back on the intercom.  'Ladies and  gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I  was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'    One Scottish passenger yelled...    'For God's sake ......... you should see the back of mine !!!'

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation                                                                        They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts,shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them.. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,'nodding and addressing each of them individually,then she passed on by. They were both stunned.How in the world did she know they were priests?So the next day,they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.                            These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,'and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?' She replied,       'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.

DOG FOR SALE A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes," the Labrador replies. After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story." The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS. "In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years". "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired." The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog. "Ten quid," the owner says. "£10 !!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?" "Because he's a lying bastard, he's never been out of the garden."

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford "The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake ? "

My Wife and I went to the Great Yarmouth agricultural show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, ‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR ' My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.' We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, 'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~that’s more than twice! a week ! ..........You could learn a lot from him.' We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.' I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.' My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery

Nicolas, a small middle-aged French tourist on his first visit to London, finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!" and walks quickly away. The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Nicolas. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves. Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson. So she goes over to Nicolas and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap. Nicolas leans forwards and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Euros?"

Ever wondered what the difference between Grannies and Grandads is? 5 year old granddaughter is usually taken to school, daily, by her grandfather. When he had a bad cold his wife drove the grandchild to school. That night she told her parents that the ride to school with granny was very different!! "What made it different?" asked her parents: "Gran and I didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dick-head or wanker anywhere on the way to school today!'

Cooperisms. 1. Two blondes walk into a building ........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...' 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.' 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day - but I couldn't find any. 5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'. 7. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle. 8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.' 11. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home' 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.' 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy' 13. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bottom.' 'How's that?' 'Don't you start.' 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it..' 16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. 17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!' 18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 19. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.' 20. A man walked into the doctor's, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there any more' 21. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

An Arab Sheik was admitted to St Vincents Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states. Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money.. But you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies". To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins".

Miss Beatrice the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness. One afternoon, the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter'

Girl Lodger A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said. The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday. After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself." So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?" "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?" "Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the Girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair Department.....very generously indeed. The girl finished her bath and went to bed. Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?" "Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours." "Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before." "I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"

How the Greek economy works.. It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village. He stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk. He tells the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna. The tavern owner slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And THAT is how the bailout package works.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. “Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?” The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute.” “Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner!  You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.” “OK, Dad ....... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a £5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Jaguar limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club ...... (takes a breath) ...... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.” “What was it ye said ye had become?” says Dad. Girl, crying again, “A prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff.” “Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece. The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built". The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors - it was marvelous. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said; "You see that bridge over there?" The Spaniard replied; "No".

Irish historians have discovered what they believe to be the headstone of Ireland's oldest man. He was 193 and called Miles from Dublin

A new Captain is assigned to a military post in a very remote part of the Afghanistan Desert.  During his first inspection of his new unit, he notices a camel hitched up behind the Mess tent so he asks his Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant explains, "Well, Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges - and that's why we have Molly the Camel." The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this behaviour. However, I do understand about urges, so, for the time being, the camel can stay". Two months pass and suddenly the Captain finds himself struggling with his own urges. So, one day, in a moment of weakness, he implores the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.As soon as it arrives the Captain tethers the animal securely, places a ladder behind it, climbs up, pulls his pants down and has his way with the camel. When he has finished, he turns to the Sergeant, who has followed the entire proceedings without uttering a word, and shouts, "What's the matter - isn't that how the men do it?" "No, not really, sir..." the Sergeant replies. "the men tend to ride the camel into town............where the girls are.

Ever wonder  about   MICHELIN MAN'S MUM? Well.......Wonder No More!!!   She was Spotted at a Secret Location in Florida     OMG!! That does it! I'm switching to Dunlop’s...

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:               "To My Dear Wife.  You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.  Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight ." When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:              "My Dear Husband. I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael, one of my students. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Maths, you will understand that although it may appear that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference: "18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18." Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow

A Ducati rider walked into a drug store in Waco, Texas and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him. The biker said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional, and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism. The biker then agreed and began by saying ........ 'This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a .... Permanent Erection. I was wondering what you could give me for it.' The pharmacist said ...... 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.' When she returned, she said ...... 'We discussed it at length, and the absolute best we can do is as follows: 1/3 ownership in the store ........ Five home cooked dinners a week .......$3,000 a month in living expenses……..And a company pickup truck ..........

Five surgeons are discussing the best patients to operate on.  The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.' The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'  The third surgeon says, 'I think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'  The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'  But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the asshole - and they are interchangeable'

MEN DO REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES  A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.  She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him..  She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.  She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.  'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'  The husband looks up from his coffee,  'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.  The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.  'Yes, I do' she replies.  The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily...  'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'  'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.  The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'  'I remember that too' she replies softly.  He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...  'I would have been released today.'

Bad day There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large,trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford "The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.      But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake ? "

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. 'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.' The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really, really hard on the top of its head The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone £100 who's willing to give it a try.' A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly Spoke up.... 'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'

David Is To Be Returned To Italy.  A  bit of cultural news for a welcome  change. After a  two year loan to the United States  ,  Michelangelo's  David is being returned to   Italy ! His Proud Sponsors were:

A doctor in St John's Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his janitor. "I am goin' huntin' tomorrow Buddy and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients and I'll give you fifty bucks."    "Yes, sir!" answers Buddy The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Buddy, How was your day?” Buddy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a Headache so I gave him TYLENOL." "Bravo Buddy! And the second one?" asks the doctor. "The second one had a bad stomach and I gave him MAALOX, sir." says Buddy .  "Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the Doctor "Well Sir, I was sitting here having a smoke and suddenly the door flies opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years! "Lard Tunderin' Yeezus, Buddy!!! What did you do?" I put drops in her eyes!!